The Big One

Sheep, For The Most Part, Are Quite Small. Clouds With Legs If You Will. But Occasionally There Comes Along A Big Sheep. Not Just A Bit Bigger Than Normal, Say Human Size, But GIGANTIC! The Size Of A Large Suburban House. And Even That Depends On YOUr Definition Of A Large Suburban House. Which As You All Know Is Probably Wrong. Fools.

So Here Was A BIG Sheep Walking Around Wyrdland. "Doing What?" You May Very Well Ask. Well For Starters, He Did Eat A Lot, And Sleep. But That Was Just Because He Was A Sheep. As I Was Saying, This Was A Very, VERY Big Sheep. In Sheep Terms At Least. And As Rosie O'Donnell Will Tell You, Big Things Are Always Popular. So, There In The Middle Of A Large Field, Which Is Pretty Much What Wyrdland Is, Was A BIG Sheep, Surrounded By Little Sheep. All Eating Grass.

"Baa Baaaa, Baaa, Baaaaaa". "Baa, Baa Baa Baa". "Moo". "?". Sheep Do Not Go "Moo". Cows Do. The Only Cow In Wyrdland Was Vilhelm. So Vilhelm Must Be Near. Sheep Are Probably The Most Logical Creatures In The World, But In The Wild Cows Are Their Natural Enemies. Don't Be So Surprised. Where Did You Think The Chops For Your Dinner Came From? Where Did You Think The Leather For Your Belts, Shoes And Whips Came From? New Zealand? But Sheep Are Very Noble Creatures. They Wouldn't Just Gang Up On Vilhelm. They Would Have A Head Butting Contest.

Head Butting Is A Proud Tradition In Wyrdland. Dating Back To The Invasion Of The SheepShearers, Head Butting Has Been The Chosen Form Of Defence, And Attack, For Both Sheep And Vilhelm. The "Greatest Head Butter Ever", Psychosheep, Is Said To Have Perfected Nothing Less Than "The Art Of Head Butting": A 4 Page Essay On The Merits Of Good Dental Hygiene It May Be, But It Is Still "The Art Of Head Butting".

Going Back To The Head Butting Match, You Would Expect To See Vilhelm Sprawled On The Grass, Dead. But Thanks To A Cunning Plan That Involved A Large Suburban House, Vilhelm Slew The Mighty Big One! Vilhelm Ran. The Sheep, The Incredibly Religious Things That They Are, Built A Temple For The Mighty Big One. It Was Nice. But They Still Needed Something To Worship. But What? The Only Convenient Thing Was Vilhelm… The Mighty. And So They Were Sworn To Protect Their New "Saviour". He Was Nice. And Everything Went Back To Normal.